Growing up,
my first (and last) gaming console was the original Super Nintendo.
That meant countless hours playing Super Mario Bros. all throughout
my pre-teen years. Recently I discovered an obscure product
called Super Joy that is essentially a controller with all
of the old Super Nintendo games built right into it. Hook the
controller up to your television, and it's like a time-warp
back to the 1980's. I've spent a good chunk of the past week
reintroducing myself to all the forgotten joys of Super Mario
Bros., and I've become convinced that the game's components
are merely metaphors for life lessons. Those who have ever
played the game should enjoy this piece, which I'll call "Everything
I need to know in life, I learned from Super Mario Bros.":
Even a flying
turtle can fall down a bottomless pit if he doesn't watch where
he's going.
If you're
unarmed and a giant, armor-clad creature is throwing spiked
hammers at you, you'll do best by simply running away from
him.
Cheaters
never prosper: sure, you can use a cheat code to skip directly
to Level 4, but that will negate your opportunity to score
hundreds of extra lives on Level 3.
You're never
completely free from danger: three hundred and
forty-two extra lives does not equal infinite extra lives.
If you fall
down a hole, you're going to be set back a bit
before you can start moving forward again.
Ingestion
of certain mushrooms can lead to an altered mental state in
which it doesn't hurt if you run around smashing bricks with
your forehead.
The minute
you become incapacitated, your brother Luigi won't hesitate
to try and move in on your girl.
The reward
for hard work is often simply more hard work: you never know
when you'll be told that "the princess is in another castle".
Patience
is the only thing that will allow you to know for sure whether
a particular storm drain has a man-eating plant waiting inside
to gobble you up.
If someone's
bothering you, don't be afraid to bop 'em on the head...unless
they're wearing a spiked helmet.
The joy of
sending a turtle shell sliding through your enemies
is roughly equaled by the terror of seeing that same turtle
shell hit a wall and come sliding back to nail you.
Look before
you leap: you might be jumping into a giant hole in the ground
without even realizing it.
It's never
too late to start over. But you'll likely have to give up some
ground in order to do so.
Just because
you can magically skip ahead several levels, doesn't mean that
you'll be prepared to deal with what you'll find when you
get there.
Invincibility
never lasts very long, and tends to wear off suddenly.
Money isn't
everything: if
you waste too much time gathering coins along the way, you'll
never reach your destination.
Even after
you've completed your task, the princess will merely ask you
to do it all over again.
It doesn't
matter how well you might be doing; when your time is up,
the game's over.
Got your
own life lessons from Super Mario Bros? Give
me a
shout,
or share your thoughts over on the billpalmer.net
discussion boards.
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