When I first
heard the R.E.M. song "Man on the Moon" more than a decade
ago, I didn't have a full grasp of just who Andy Kaufman was,
so much of the song's lyrics were
lost on me. I had no idea that the line "Andy, are you goofing
on Elvis?" was in reference
to the late comedian's absurdly
funny routines.
Heck, at one point I actually thought that R.E.M.'s Michael
Stipe
was
singing
about "Annie", not "Andy". But it didn't
matter, because the lyrics sounded cool, and they were being
sung by the aforementioned Mr. Stipe, who in my book has more
street credibility than most cities have streets. He could
be singing the alphabet, and I would have to assume that there's
some deeper meaning involved, even if I didn't personally "get
it" at the time.
So when a
story surfaced in
the New York Post this week about Apple's apparent interest
in opening a retail
store in the basement of the GM Building on Fifth Avenue
in Manhattan, it occurred to me that Apple would stand
to benefit considerably from the instant retail credibility
that comes with having a store whose entrance is next to that
of
the FAO Schwarz flagship store and within a stone's throw
of some of the fanciest-schmanciest retail joints on earth.
Take FAO, for example. Although I'm not exactly a
toy connoisseur, I can't help but stop in and take a trot around
the world's most famous toy store every time I've ever walked
past it, if only to buy some candy for my stroll through Central
Park. I mean, the store is famous just for being famous. I
know next to nothing about
the
toy
industry
and
don't
really
care
to,
but
the existence of that flagship store, and my half a dozen tours
through it, lead me to naturally assume that FAO is the industry
leader. And as a result, if I were to suddenly feel
the need to go toy shopping, I would probably be fairly-well
inclined to do it at the smaller and less impressive FAO Schwarz
location
located in my home town, based on perception alone.
Now, before
I receive a thousand emails telling me what a terrible example
I've chosen with FAO Schwarz, I'll admit that the one thing
I do know about the toy industry is that FAO is currently in
bankruptcy.
But
I expect that's because when it comes down to it, the company
is still basically selling the same toys as any other toy store.
If it so happened that the the local Toys-O-Rama was closer
to me, I might settle for going there instead, and I suppose
that's why the notion of spreading FAO stores out nationwide
didn't work as well as planned. But that's precisely where
Apple is different: an Apple Store on Fifth Avenue would be
proclaiming that "these are the world's coolest computers,
and yes, we're the only company who makes them". In
other words: "When you get home from your little New York City
vacation,
proceed directly to your local Apple Store and open your wallet
accordingly. And you'll want to be sure to visit us and not
our competitors, because the Gateway Stores and Dell kiosks
are merely peddling imitation
items."
So what about
all those Windows users who will enter the Apple Store on Fifth
Avenue, not "getting" the Mac? It doesn't matter, they'll still
assume
a certain level of credibility, the same way that I knew that
Michael Stipe simply had to be singing about something deep
and meaningful, even when all I was hearing was "Annie, are
you goofing on Elvis?". And the cool part is that by having
a store in among all the most overpriced clothing retailers
in the world, Apple's offerings will look quite inexpensive
in comparison. "Hmm, should I spend eight hundred dollars on
this new shirt, or on an eMac?"
If the Apple
Stores are all about getting the word out, then having a location
on the corner of 5th and 58th in Manhattan will certainly accomplish
this goal. Even discounting the store's own sales, its mere
existence would indirectly boost sales at all the other Apple
Stores
around
the world.
And of course, any tourist hiking around Manhattan needs
an
iPod
as much
as
he
needs comfortable
shoes,
so there should be no shortage of sales coming directly from
the fabled basement itself. With a rent cost of three to four
million dollars per year, any company would need to be printing
money in that basement to make it worthwhile, but I believe
that by placing a store in the world's most desirable retail
location, Apple would be doing just that.
And I don't
even want to think about what the lineup would look
like for the Grand Opening. I know I'd be there, camped out
overnight if necessary, and I know that I'm not the only one.
I think that a Fifth Avenue Apple Store opening would make
the recent opening in Japan merely look like a warm-up
act
in comparison.
On a personal
note, this column is dedicated to my grandmother, who would
have celebrated her 89th birthday today.
Wow, that last sentence was actually a bit difficult to type.
As far as I'm concerned, she had more street credibility than
all
the
Michael
Stipe's and Apple's of the world combined.
You know
the drill: give
me a
shout,
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discussion boards.
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