Sunday, March 23, 2003
Apple Store Orlando: the Holy Land Experience
Despite living in Florida, I'd never crossed paths with the Apple Store in the Mall at Millenia in Orlando. Two hundred miles was just far enough away to fall outside of my "worth driving there for the grand opening just to get a T-shirt" radius, and besides, Apple has not one but two stores down here in South Florida. But this afternoon, when I found myself not wanting to spend a day in a theme park in the pouring rain on the second day of my weekend Orlando getaway, I figured playing with a 12 inch PowerBook was as good a way to kill time as any.
Many long-time Mac users have described journeying to an Apple Store as a religious experience, some with a straighter face than than others. So when I approached the I-4 exit ramp and I saw a sign that said "Exit 78: Mall at Millenia, Holy Land Experience", I really had to wonder if perhaps Central Floridians take their Macs a bit more seriously than elsewhere. You know, for a moment, I thought I really had something to write home about. I was a bit disappointed, then, to find out that the mall was to the left, and "Holy Land Experience" was to the right.
The Mall at Millenia fits with Apple's trend of placing its stores in upscale malls that feature expensive stores such as Macy’s and Bloomingdale's. Millenia is so disturbingly high-class and futuristic art-deco laden that standing in the central court momentarily made me think I was in EPCOT (minus the talking robots, of course). And there's something just plain wrong when a mall's website requires the Flash plugin. Once inside the mall, finding the Apple Store was easy -- it's the only one with no sign overhead -- and I was a bit miffed to find fifty or more patrons packed into the store. I knew right then that every 12 inch PowerBook would be occupied by some loser who might actually buy one. How dare the Apple Store be so popular? Who do these people think they are, Mac users? Even the cluster of eMacs set aside for kids had a line of people waiting for a turn, and not everyone waiting was exactly a child. I decided there were just too many people doing too much happy-Mac stuff, and headed for the food court.
In case you ever visit Millenia, I can tell you that the Southwest Grill offers succulent barbecue chicken, which kept me away from the pizza stand and on a somewhat healthy eating track for the day until Mrs. Fields reached out and attacked me at the last moment. But while I was innocently enjoying my cookies, a boy who was at least twelve years old grabbed me on the shoulder from behind and said "Dad, can I get one of those PlayStations?". Never passing up an opportunity to turn an uncomfortable moment into an even more uncomfortable one, I turned around and said, "Sure, son, but don’t tell your mother". Hey, it made as much sense as what he said. Horrified, the poor kid just sort of slithered away at the idea that he could actually have mistaken me for father material. I've been told that my recent bout with facial hair has made me look a little older than I really am, but now this twelve-year-old thinks I'm his dad? I'm going home and shaving.
Finding my way back to the Apple Store, I was horrified to find that the store still had at least forty people mingling about, too many of which had their grubby hands on my 12 inch PowerBooks! So I took up residence on a trusty eMac and proceeded to take Deimos Rising for a spin and listened in as patron after patron was fed good-old Apple religion by the employees, one correctly-answered question at a time. "Can Mac computers do Excel?" Yes. "Can you do dual-monitors with this G4 minitower?" Oh yes. "Can you run MS Access databases through Virtual PC?" Well yeah, if you really want to, but there’s also this really cool database application called FileMaker Pro...
I was just about to reach my all-time high score on Deimos Rising (probably lower than your lowest score) when a 12 inch PowerBook finally became unoccupied. I approached the beast, and, well...I should have known it would be a mistake. I want this laptop, as I’ve so clearly stated before. It's becoming something of an unhealthy obsession. At this point, my cell phone rang. It was my clamshell iBook calling from home just to say, "Go ahead and buy the darn laptop already, you self-torturing fool!". Okay, so that didn’t really happen, but what did happen was this: a mall patron stuck his head in the doorway of the store and asked an employee if the store was "all Apple". When the employee responded with a smile, the patron said "I haven’t used a Mac in fifteen years". The employee then invited him in to see the "new operating system", to which the patron obliged, and the game was afoot. When I noticed that my newly-hijacked power toy was catching the man’s eye, I quickly abandoned it so that the employee could continue to work his magic on the unsuspecting future Mac user.
Disappointed at my rotten timing but proud of my small measure of self-sacrifice, I found my way over to a 15 inch PowerBook and launched Adobe Illustrator so that I could at least sketch myself a drawing of the object of my lust, at which point another employee approached me and asked if I was finding everything I needed. I replied that I was just "playing around with what I can’t afford", and she promptly informed me that Apple provides instant financing. Geez, these Apple Store people have just the right answer for everything, don’t they? It's a good thing I wasn't still using the 12 incher when she approached me, I suppose. Realizing that I needed to leave the store for my wallet's sake, I headed out the door. Which leads me to a critical mistake I believe Apple is making with these smaller, theaterless boutique stores: with the registers in the back and not the front, it's far too easy to leave without buying anything. This is good for me, but not for Apple. Subconsciously, many people just don't feel right passing a register on the way out of a store without setting something down on it, even if it's the least expensive item in the store. But I digress. The Apple Stores are there to create mindshare and get people to switch platforms, not to sell trinkets. And on this day in this store, it was most definitely working.
Looking back on my visit, a few things stood out: the 17 inch PowerBook was a complete no-show. No display model, no mention of it, and I wondered if Apple had taken the additional step of removing all instances of the number "17" from the store. Depending on who on the internet you're listening to, you either have to wait months just to get on a waiting list for a 17 incher, or you can just walk into any Apple Store and buy one on the spot. I humbly suggest listening only to those who are saying what you want to hear. And despite rumors of the recent demise of the original 15 inch CRT iMac, one was still on display in the digital photography section, complete with a $799 price tag. Its continued existence starts to seem absurd when you consider that you can pick up a G4-toting, CD-burning, 17-inch CRT sporting, DVD-playing eMac for just $200 more. I can see why Apple wants to make the base iMac disappear. Ironically, it might be the only overpriced model in the whole consumer lineup.
I exited the mall only to find that it was still pouring rain. Not wanting to wait for it to lighten up, I bravely darted out into the monsoon, nearly reaching the back of the parking lot before realizing that I had no idea where I might be able to find my car. Perhaps because I was looking for the white Toyota that I traded last month. But then, spending time with a 12 inch PowerBook will do that to you. When I finally located the car, I stood there for a moment, realizing that I had gotten far more deeply soaked than I had gone to a theme park after all. But the barbecue chicken made it worth it all. Or at least, that's what I'll keep telling myself.
Have you recently witnessed others finding religion at your local Apple Store? Do you find yourself visiting Apple Stores while you’re out of town? Do you bring your Kindergartner with you to the Apple Store just so you'll have an excuse to play the cool eMac games in the kids section? Did your twelve year old son come home this afternoon with a new PlayStation, claiming that some guy in the mall told him it was OK to buy it? Share your wisdom.
Despite living in Florida, I'd never crossed paths with the Apple Store in the Mall at Millenia in Orlando. Two hundred miles was just far enough away to fall outside of my "worth driving there for the grand opening just to get a T-shirt" radius, and besides, Apple has not one but two stores down here in South Florida. But this afternoon, when I found myself not wanting to spend a day in a theme park in the pouring rain on the second day of my weekend Orlando getaway, I figured playing with a 12 inch PowerBook was as good a way to kill time as any.
Many long-time Mac users have described journeying to an Apple Store as a religious experience, some with a straighter face than than others. So when I approached the I-4 exit ramp and I saw a sign that said "Exit 78: Mall at Millenia, Holy Land Experience", I really had to wonder if perhaps Central Floridians take their Macs a bit more seriously than elsewhere. You know, for a moment, I thought I really had something to write home about. I was a bit disappointed, then, to find out that the mall was to the left, and "Holy Land Experience" was to the right.
The Mall at Millenia fits with Apple's trend of placing its stores in upscale malls that feature expensive stores such as Macy’s and Bloomingdale's. Millenia is so disturbingly high-class and futuristic art-deco laden that standing in the central court momentarily made me think I was in EPCOT (minus the talking robots, of course). And there's something just plain wrong when a mall's website requires the Flash plugin. Once inside the mall, finding the Apple Store was easy -- it's the only one with no sign overhead -- and I was a bit miffed to find fifty or more patrons packed into the store. I knew right then that every 12 inch PowerBook would be occupied by some loser who might actually buy one. How dare the Apple Store be so popular? Who do these people think they are, Mac users? Even the cluster of eMacs set aside for kids had a line of people waiting for a turn, and not everyone waiting was exactly a child. I decided there were just too many people doing too much happy-Mac stuff, and headed for the food court.
In case you ever visit Millenia, I can tell you that the Southwest Grill offers succulent barbecue chicken, which kept me away from the pizza stand and on a somewhat healthy eating track for the day until Mrs. Fields reached out and attacked me at the last moment. But while I was innocently enjoying my cookies, a boy who was at least twelve years old grabbed me on the shoulder from behind and said "Dad, can I get one of those PlayStations?". Never passing up an opportunity to turn an uncomfortable moment into an even more uncomfortable one, I turned around and said, "Sure, son, but don’t tell your mother". Hey, it made as much sense as what he said. Horrified, the poor kid just sort of slithered away at the idea that he could actually have mistaken me for father material. I've been told that my recent bout with facial hair has made me look a little older than I really am, but now this twelve-year-old thinks I'm his dad? I'm going home and shaving.
Finding my way back to the Apple Store, I was horrified to find that the store still had at least forty people mingling about, too many of which had their grubby hands on my 12 inch PowerBooks! So I took up residence on a trusty eMac and proceeded to take Deimos Rising for a spin and listened in as patron after patron was fed good-old Apple religion by the employees, one correctly-answered question at a time. "Can Mac computers do Excel?" Yes. "Can you do dual-monitors with this G4 minitower?" Oh yes. "Can you run MS Access databases through Virtual PC?" Well yeah, if you really want to, but there’s also this really cool database application called FileMaker Pro...
I was just about to reach my all-time high score on Deimos Rising (probably lower than your lowest score) when a 12 inch PowerBook finally became unoccupied. I approached the beast, and, well...I should have known it would be a mistake. I want this laptop, as I’ve so clearly stated before. It's becoming something of an unhealthy obsession. At this point, my cell phone rang. It was my clamshell iBook calling from home just to say, "Go ahead and buy the darn laptop already, you self-torturing fool!". Okay, so that didn’t really happen, but what did happen was this: a mall patron stuck his head in the doorway of the store and asked an employee if the store was "all Apple". When the employee responded with a smile, the patron said "I haven’t used a Mac in fifteen years". The employee then invited him in to see the "new operating system", to which the patron obliged, and the game was afoot. When I noticed that my newly-hijacked power toy was catching the man’s eye, I quickly abandoned it so that the employee could continue to work his magic on the unsuspecting future Mac user.
Disappointed at my rotten timing but proud of my small measure of self-sacrifice, I found my way over to a 15 inch PowerBook and launched Adobe Illustrator so that I could at least sketch myself a drawing of the object of my lust, at which point another employee approached me and asked if I was finding everything I needed. I replied that I was just "playing around with what I can’t afford", and she promptly informed me that Apple provides instant financing. Geez, these Apple Store people have just the right answer for everything, don’t they? It's a good thing I wasn't still using the 12 incher when she approached me, I suppose. Realizing that I needed to leave the store for my wallet's sake, I headed out the door. Which leads me to a critical mistake I believe Apple is making with these smaller, theaterless boutique stores: with the registers in the back and not the front, it's far too easy to leave without buying anything. This is good for me, but not for Apple. Subconsciously, many people just don't feel right passing a register on the way out of a store without setting something down on it, even if it's the least expensive item in the store. But I digress. The Apple Stores are there to create mindshare and get people to switch platforms, not to sell trinkets. And on this day in this store, it was most definitely working.
Looking back on my visit, a few things stood out: the 17 inch PowerBook was a complete no-show. No display model, no mention of it, and I wondered if Apple had taken the additional step of removing all instances of the number "17" from the store. Depending on who on the internet you're listening to, you either have to wait months just to get on a waiting list for a 17 incher, or you can just walk into any Apple Store and buy one on the spot. I humbly suggest listening only to those who are saying what you want to hear. And despite rumors of the recent demise of the original 15 inch CRT iMac, one was still on display in the digital photography section, complete with a $799 price tag. Its continued existence starts to seem absurd when you consider that you can pick up a G4-toting, CD-burning, 17-inch CRT sporting, DVD-playing eMac for just $200 more. I can see why Apple wants to make the base iMac disappear. Ironically, it might be the only overpriced model in the whole consumer lineup.
I exited the mall only to find that it was still pouring rain. Not wanting to wait for it to lighten up, I bravely darted out into the monsoon, nearly reaching the back of the parking lot before realizing that I had no idea where I might be able to find my car. Perhaps because I was looking for the white Toyota that I traded last month. But then, spending time with a 12 inch PowerBook will do that to you. When I finally located the car, I stood there for a moment, realizing that I had gotten far more deeply soaked than I had gone to a theme park after all. But the barbecue chicken made it worth it all. Or at least, that's what I'll keep telling myself.
Have you recently witnessed others finding religion at your local Apple Store? Do you find yourself visiting Apple Stores while you’re out of town? Do you bring your Kindergartner with you to the Apple Store just so you'll have an excuse to play the cool eMac games in the kids section? Did your twelve year old son come home this afternoon with a new PlayStation, claiming that some guy in the mall told him it was OK to buy it? Share your wisdom.
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